Update and Etc

Yes, I went MIA, again. I really meant to update before today, but last week was kind of...busy.

I DID have the injections on Monday. I did NOT have the anesthesia. When the nurse came in to ask me if I had anything to eat or drink in the last 8 hours (I had not), I asked her about the medication they would give me, if I chose to have it. She said they would start an IV, and they would give me something that would not knock me out, but make me feel "woozy". She then said that "some people feel confused, and some forget they even had the procedure done". Yep, that sealed it. I wasn't getting the drugs.

I went ahead with the injections and it was actually better than the last time. There seemed to be less "digging around" than the last set. However, I was very sore and miserable for four or five days, just like before. I had hoped I would feel better sooner, as that Saturday was July 4. Not so lucky. In fact, I woke up in the middle of the night on Thursday/Friday with a sharp, screaming pain down my left side of my back and into my left leg. I tried to readjust my weight and position as carefully as I could and go back to sleep. When I woke up on Friday, I had a lot of pain in my left side of my back and down my left arm, as well as significant weakness. It took me three days and several muscle relaxers to get through it, but I did.

Needless to say, I didn't do much for the holiday weekend. Tyler was with his dad, so it was quiet, but Matt was home all weekend, which became its own issue. But we had a nice 4th. Matt made steaks and a baked potato for me, and right about the time dinner was ready, we started hearing fireworks out back. Turns out there were LARGE fireworks going on, and we had a perfect view from our balcony! It was great! And when we were finishing dinner, we could hear the grand finale going off downtown.

Matt was restless all weekend. He was bored and didn't know what to do with himself. So, instead of finding something to do, he just irritated me and remained in a bad mood all weekend. Good times. He's back at school this week, and he's working the All Star Game festivities this weekend, so he's excited about that.

Speaking of which, guess what? I WON TICKETS TO THE ALL STAR FANFEST! It's going to be awesome! Of course, I can't go; there's no way. WAY too much walking around and standing, but that's ok. It's really a boys thing, anyhow. So Matt and Tyler will go and I'm sure they'll have a great time. I've already told them to take lots of pics and videos, so watch for them here and on Facebook.

Other than that, not much going on. I've been spending a lot of time online, chatting with new friends (local, even!) and reading a lot of ebooks. I forgot how much I love to read. So far, I have been focused on guilty pleasure types like the Confessions of a Shopaholic series, but I think my next read is going to be The Other Boelyn Girl. I wanted to see the movie SO BAD when it came out, and never did. But the book is usually better than the movie, anyhow. At least, in my experience.

The other thing I have become a fan of is the True Blood series on HBO. I don't have HBO, but I have managed to catch up online. Other than the HORRIBLE accents (and the main character's name...Sookie *shudder*), it's very inventive and creative. I have been thinking a lot about a world where vampires try to coexist with humans, and I think the series makes some good points about racism and bigotry, so we'll see where it goes. I'd like to read the original series and see how much better/worse it is than the series. I have a sneaking suspicion there is a LOT more violence and sex in the series. I mean, it IS HBO.

That's it for today. I'll try to update sometime this weekend, and I'll definitely update with pics and videos from the All Star Weekend. Feel free to leave comments on books you love, True Blood, or any movies you feel are MUST SEE.

Today, I am thankful for distraction. If it wasn't for the internet and good noise-blocking earphones, I might have had to kill Matt this past weekend LOL.

Back in the saddle again

Here we go, back to blogging. I know, I know. I have been terrible about actually sticking to this so far. One would think that with the lack of anything else to do, I wouldn't have a problem sticking with ONE goal. Apparently, not having ANY commitments means I have trouble sticking to new ones. Who knew?

I think part of the problem is one day just kind of...bleeds into another for me lately. Without much of a schedule, I have a hard time differentiating day to day. Partly because I don't have a routine anymore (which, to be frank, I THRIVE on), and partly because I have the most screwed up sleep "schedule" I have ever had in my life right now.

Sleep for me is few and far between. I have a very "take whatever you can get, whenever it comes" mentality right now. Very much like when I first brought Tyler home from the hospital. I am SO tired, all of the time, that when I do actually have the ability to fall asleep, I take it, even if it's in the middle of the day. For the first couple months, even though I wasn't getting very much sleep, I was very hesitant to nap or sleep during odd hours because I would think things like "if I nap now, I won't be able to fall asleep later", or "if I only nap for two hours now, I could be tired again before tomorrow". Now, it's just "OMG I think I could actually go upstairs and fall asleep. SCORE!"

I have a couple of problems that are causing me to be unable to sleep. First, the pain. Constant and increasing when I lie down. Do I know why it hurts worse when I lie down? Nope. If I could figure it out, I would try to solve it. I wish it were as simple as just elevating my legs or head or something, but that doesn't work. Also, even if I do go to sleep, if/when I go to move, the sharp pain that results wakes me up again.

The second problem I have is related to the medicine I have been taking. Some of it knocks me out, so if I have to take something for the pain and it makes me fall asleep at 2 in the afternoon, I might not get up until 6 or 7 in the evening, which means I am NOT going back to sleep until the next morning. And taking MORE medicine later doesn't work, I don't know why.

The third issue I have is anxiety induced insomnia. I have battled insomnia for years, but everything that has been going on has triggered anxiety, which has triggered bouts of insomnia. Good times, right?

So, this is as brief an explanation as I can give right now on why it's been so hard for me to keep up with any kind of a routine, ie: my blog.

Not being on any kind of a schedule makes it hard for me to keep up with all my doctor's appointments, too. I normally wouldn't have had a hard time knowing what day of the week it is or what the date is, but when the days run together like they do now, it becomes really difficult. Thankfully, I have my cell phone and the calendar function to help me out. I just put in all my appointments, and every day, I check the calendar on my phone to see what's coming up or if I have to be somewhere that day.

It also doesn't help that I have more than one doctor to go to haha.

Speaking of which, I have another procedure coming up on Monday. They are going to do cortisone injections again, but this time, in a different area than before. I am nervous about it, mostly because they want me to be sedated, and I HATE that. I really don't like taking medicine that makes me feel "high" or makes me unconscious. I can't believe how much I have been resorting to these kinds of medicine since I have been hurt, but it's mostly just to get some sleep and relief every now and then. That's how I know I am in a lot of pain. Not only am I considering it, but I am actually taking them sometimes. But being knocked out while I am having a procedure on my back where they stick large needles into my back makes me really nervous.

I am trying to control my anxiety about the situation, and trying to think about how it could really help me, but I have doubts about that, too. Every time they do one of these "procedures", it ends up causing me MORE pain for about a week, and not even doing what they say it will.

But the doctor said he wants to try this before they move on to more invasive testing and treatment, which I can't blame him for, but it still makes me miserable to know that it probably won't work.

If/when this doesn't work, the next step is to have dye injected into my discs to see if any of them are ruptured or leaking fluid, which is what the doctor thinks is happening. If any of them are, depending on the severity, we will have to make a decision about what to do next. I think he said there were a couple things we could try, but ultimately, I would probably have to have some kind of surgery. How serious the surgery is would be relative to how serious the disc damage.

So, that's all the news fit to print for today.

Now, on to what I am thankful for. Today, I am thankful for air conditioning. That might sound really trite, but I am genuinely thankful for it. I keep seeing on the news and reading online about all of these people who don't have it, and it makes me realize that even though we are in the 21st century, there are still people who have never upgraded to AC, and in this economy, there are way too many people who cannot afford to purchase a window unit, or run their central air. I'm thoroughly thankful that we are not one of those families right now. As miserable as I am with this pain, at least I am not stuck in a house with no air conditioning. And with air conditioning comes things like cable tv, internet, and cell phones, all of which have helped maintain my sanity in these long MONTHS stuck in bed and on the couch. I am thankful for these luxuries.

Same shit, different day

Skipped a day yesterday. I went to the doctor, and I wasn't feeling especially "blog-y", even though there was a lot to talk about. So I will make up for it today, promise.

The doctor I saw yesterday was the pain management doctor. I went in to talk to him about having this discogram, the procedure that involves injecting my discs with dye and then having a scan to see which, if any, are leaking fluid.

He explained that with my symptoms, the other doctor is on a good track with thinking it may be a leaking disc, but this doctor thinks there is one more less invasive and risky procedure he can try first. As he explained, if we do this first and it doesn't work, it will make sense to resort to the discogram. If we do the discogram and it doesn't show a leaking disc, it's a HUGE risk to take for no reason.

The procedure he wants to try first is some cortisone injections in and around some joints that the vertebrae in the bottom of the back have. He said it's not a painless procedure by any means (he actually almost insisted that I have sedation), but it's much less painful and invasive than the disc injections. So I will have that in three weeks.

He also explained more about the leaking disc, because I didn't really understand it fully. The doctor who told me he thinks I have a disc that is leaking speaks Russian, so his accent is quite thick. I was concerned that if he tried to explain it to me, something might get lost in translation, literally. Pain management doctor said that the discs between our vertebrae have an almost fibrous casing, like a corn husk, and a gel-like inside for cushioning. He said if the disc ruptures or tears and the gel inside leaks out, it can be very inflammatory to the area around the disc, causing problems similar to what I'm having now.

I expressed my frustration about STILL not knowing exactly what's wrong. He said he understood, but that from his experience, while it seems like it's been a long time that we have been working on this, that it really hasn't been that long. He said that if we are still talking about this kind of pain in another 6 months or a year, we might need to talk about either a disc replacement or a fusion, both of which are fairly complicated procedures for someone my age. God, I hope we're not still talking about this in 6 months or a year!

In other news, I have been sort of...struggling with some things in my personal life. These aren't necessarily things I want to go into great detail about in this forum. Partly because they're really painful, and partly because I can't really control who is reading this, and, believe it or not, I am an incredibly private person. I am trying not to be so much of an emotional hermit, but it's things like I am going through right now that help to "justify" my tendencies.

I have a VERY hard time trusting people. Anyone, really. Even people who think they are very close to me probably don't know as much as they think they do about me. It's sort of something left over from when I was a kid. It just seems like every time I do go out on a limb and trust someone or divulge personal information, I get burned.

Now, I realize this is a fairly common occurrence for almost everyone, but I think I never really learned how to cope with it. When I trust someone and they violate or betray that trust in some way, I am absolutely devastated. And, another lovely trait left over from my childhood is that pain for me becomes anger, as a form of self-preservation and protection. It's tons of fun, trust me.

So, as you may have concluded, I have had a couple of people I trusted betray that trust in a couple of different ways. I am just SO overwhelmed right now, I don't really know how to deal with either offense. The worst part is, I wish I could call one of my close friends and try to get some comfort, support, and advice, but I feel like I can't trust anyone right now! I literally feel completely exposed right now, like my skin has been ripped off. It is the worst feeling I can think of. Just feeling raw and angry and hurt and unprotected.

So, I am sort of "hermiting" right now, trying to think of my next move. I just feel like this is really SO the last thing I need right now. As if I don't already have enough going on, I have to stress about this.

Insomnia is in full effect. Nightmares are back. My ocd is kicking in again (because hey, if I can't control other people, maybe I can control everything else, ever? That's rational, right?). Anxiety is at about an 8 out of 10 at the moment. I'm worried about my health, worried about my future, worried about my job, worried about who I can trust, worried I'm going to make the wrong choices (like I clearly have already). I just feel so frazzled.

So I'm raw, frazzeled, exposed, vulnerable, in physical pain, tired, and angry. I should be getting a phone call from any of several ex-boyfriends shortly. They're like bloodhounds or vultures- they can smell the sick and the weak from miles away.

Hey, look at that, I still have my sense of humor. It's something!

Ok, so let me try to find something to be thankful for today...

I am thankful for my sense of humor. How does the saying go...? "If I didn't laugh, I'd be crying right now?" Something like that. So true.

OH, and I am thankful that Tyler will be home for his overnight tonight :D I really need a dose of Tyler right now!

See how well that worked out?

Ok so it took me a week to post again. I know, I know. Promises, promises, right? Well, it's been sort of a rough week.

I went to see another doctor. I know. This guy was really nice, though. However, I had to have what's called a "nerve conduction study" done to see why I am having pain in my legs and potentially, what's wrong with my back. I knew it was going to be scary, and it was. They electrocute you to test you response. And not like, a little shock to see if you feel it. They shocked me in numerous places on both of my lower legs, and in some places the shocks got stronger and stronger and then several times in a row.

The second part involved sticking small, acupuncture type needles into my muscles and electrocuting me that way. Needless to say, I was not in a good mood when I came home, and felt sore and touchy for a couple days afterward.

The one potential "upside" to all of this was the doctor felt like he might have an idea what's causing all of this, finally. He believes I have a herniated disc that was also torn or ruptured and is now leaking the fluid that normally makes up the cushion of the disc.

Now, he wants me to have this incredibly invasive and painful procedure wherein they inject several suspected discs with dye and then scan me to see which of them is leaking. I have to go on Monday to talk to the pain management doctor about the procedure. Which scares me. His office specifically said he wanted to make sure to talk to me first, which can't be good. I did some online research after talking to his office, and yeah, it's intense. So I don't know what will happen as a result.

I am very unhappy because I still am not able to work. My FMLA leave time dried up this week, so I am officially up in the air. Which pisses me off, because while this wasn't the best paying job I've ever had, it had great benefits, great people, and insane potential. So, naturally, something had to happen to screw it up. I got this amazing new boss who was really energetic and optimistic and positive and progressive and I was so excited for the new things she had in mind and really wanted to have the chance to prove myself to her. So much for that. Right now, the best I can hope for is that if I ever am able to go back, I can get another job at SLU. Actually, the best I can hope for is they choose to unofficially hold my job until August and give me more time to get well. I think if I could get better before fall semester started again, I might have a chance. That's my primary goal at the moment.

And that's sort of what I have been so swept up in this week. Had to see the nerve doctor twice to get tests and then results, had to talk back and forth with HR to try to save as much of my job as I could. I'm concerned because I haven't heard from the department head or supervisor lately, though. Ugh. Ok, I just need to focus on getting well and stop worrying.

I am beginning to have a lot of anxiety about all of this. Anxiety about what's really wrong with me. Anxiety about what it will take to treat me. (So far, everything they have done to me has been incredibly painful). Anxiety about losing my job and all my benefits. Anxiety about upsetting everyone around me because I'm not getting better. Anxiety that I am letting people down somehow. I don't know.

So, needless to say, I am sifting through a lot to try to move ahead, but I am determined to move ahead. Come hell or high water, I will move ahead.

I have finally accepted that this isn't really as short term as I had hoped and went ahead and had Matt make some accomodations around here for me. I got a shower seat a couple weeks ago so I could shower by myself more easily. I have moved some things around the house to make them easier for me to get to.

I had been trying to do little things around the house to try to build strength, but paid a hefty price with excrutiating pain every time I tried. New doctor said to stop. That this isn't about strength and I could injure myself further. He did say that since we have a pool here, that I should get into it often. Not only will the water relieve the weight on my back, but I can try water aerobics while I'm in there! So we will be spending time in the pool, I'm sure.

What I am thankful for is possibly finding a doctor that can properly diagnose me and possibly treat me so I can get back to my life. I have hope, kids. I have hope!!

Back online, FINALLY.

*mad*

Internet went out. Completely, totally, all-or-nothing out. I was SO PISSED. I wondered what I would do all day and night without the internet. The answer: nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I tried to blog from my cell. That was a big, fat fail. I tried to blog from email from my phone (which explains the awkward partial post below). Also a tremendous fail. I gave up.

So, what's new? Not much. Still hurt, still home. My fmla leave from work ends on Monday, and I am no closer to having any answers about what's wrong with me or how to treat it than I was the first of March. It's incredibly frustrating to have constant pain and be so limited in what I can do and not have any answers.

I also am beginning to feel like I am losing advocates as far as doctors go. My doctor keeps sending me to surgeons to try to get answers, but they keep blowing me off because they don't see anything on my mri or xrays. My pain management doc had been really helpful and optimistic the last few times I visited, but this most recent visit, he seemed very disconnected. He prescribed me a medication that seems to be primarily for epileptics, so it seems like he is trying to block my nerve responses. He also has scheduled me for a nerve conduction study, whatever that is.

I have not started the medicine yet. This is the first time I have done this. I am concerned about the side effects, and moreso that he didn't really discuss the medicine with me before prescribing it. He just sort of said he was going to "try something" and then the nurse gave it to me when I was ready to go. She's the one who told me to call them if I had "a lot of side effects". Reading the packet insert and the cautions online really spooked me.

It's not that I wouldn't take it if it would help, but I guess I just need more conversation with the doctor first. This is one of those medications that you cannot just stop taking. You have to slowly build up your dosage, and if you need or want to stop taking it, you have to be "weaned" off of it. That's one of my fears with medication, and why I have tried very hard to avoid taking any hardcore narcotics for pain. So I will update as soon as I make a decision about this.

On to happier news: Tyler's last day of school is Tuesday, and he will then officially be a FIFTH grader. Can someone please explain to me when I got old enough to have a fifth grader? I don't feel 30, even though I am.

*pout*

He has been doing very well this year. I know he is excited to be in fifth grade. He is MORE excited to have summer vacation. It looks like we will be spending it together, at least in part.

Matt is doing very well in this phase of school, too. This is the baking phase, so we have been getting very spoiled with goodies and treats most nights. He has a paper due on Monday. An official college paper. As in four pages, double spaced, citations, etc. etc. He hasn't even started it yet!! He wants me to help him, and I will proofread, of course, but he's going to be bumming tomorrow night when he still has more than half of the work ahead of him! I have a feeling this will be one of those things that he will be doing right up until the class starts lol. Aren't most college papers that way? Ce la vie!

Ok so now that I am online again, I will think of something positive/optimistic to post tonight, and will be posting again daily. So happy to be back!!

xoxox
~Erica

So be careful what you complain about. That's our lesson today.

I complaines yesterday that my wireless adapter waa out.

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Thunderstorms and computer problems!!

I missed a post yesterday. I couldn't get online! This laptop is cheap and ancient, and we had to buy a wireless router and usb adapter just to get online wirelessly. Why would we bother? Well, the input for the internet cable on the laptop is loose/bad, so it's incredibly frustrating to use it wired.

Ever since we got the wireless usb adapter, it's been problematic. I don't know if it's actually the adapter itself, or if the laptop is unable to process the amount of data it's bringing in through the usb port...I'm FAR from an expert at computers. All I know is when we try to stream music or videos, the laptop overheats and shuts down. And we will get an error message from time to time saying the laptop shut down because of the usb port. And now it won't work, at all. It keeps saying that there is unrecognized something in the usb drive. Basically, it's not recognizing the wireless adapter any longer, so it's kaput.

So, didn't really miss anything while I was offline. My grandmother is having hip replacement surgery next Monday. I'm happy for her, but nervous. I also have scheduled to meet with yet ANOTHER orthopedic surgeon next Tuesday. I met with my primary care doctor on Monday and we agreed that I have not made much progress and something is definitely not right here. I think I am just going to have to lay all my cards on the table with this doctor. I just don't feel like I am being "heard", if that makes any sense.

And above and beyond the frustration of making no progress, and the physical and emotional exhaustion of being in constant pain with no reliable source of relief, I am running out of FMLA leave time. The doctor and I have to make some sort of decisions about both my short term treatment plans, and my long term treatment options. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me, but something is VERY wrong. I need some sort of relief and I need it NOW. I do have an appointment with the pain management doctor next Wednesday, and I am going to implore upon him to attempt something more aggressive, if necessary.

I have been utterly miserable the last three days. I have been incredibly unpleasant to deal with as a result. I am not sleeping at night and I cannot find a tolerable position- sitting, lying down, nothing. I can't take much more of this. I keep saying that, but it feels like empty threats, because really- what choice do I have but to take it? I'm running out of optimism, though.

So we have had some wild thunderstorms in the area today and tonight. As a child, I hated thunderstorms because lightening had struck the outside wall of my bedroom as a child. But as I have gotten older and have begun to feel more connected to nature and energy, I really have begun to love them.

I love the energy of a thunderstorm, and I really love the rain. I see rain as a very cleansing and purifying force now. I love the smell, sound, and sight of rain. So it's been interesting to me. I left the patio door open this afternoon to listen to and watch the sideways rain, but tonight the storm was far too severe. And since Matt has lived through virtually every natural disaster, he is (understandably) fearful of storms, so we closed the door.

I was talking to someone through Twitter yesterday who is going through a very hard time right now. I think she is really amazing and talented, and I wish we were close friends, but we're not. I was trying to lift her spirits and in the process, sort of reminded myself of a few things. One of them being: sometimes the hidden pathways are the most beautiful and fruitful for our journeys. Moreso than the marked and expected pathways. And every experience we encounter, whether good or bad, successful or failure, help shape who we are as people. I would not be who I am today without everything I have been through. While it is hard for me to understand why I have to suffer like this, I have to trust there is a reason for it, and try to find the beauty in the journey.

Ok, let me try to put my misery aside and share something I am thankful for today...Today, I am thankful for the healing power and energy of nature. I hope to be able to tap into it for both myself and my Nana to help us both recover as quickly and completely as possible. And I am thankful that I am able to experience and appreciate the amazing forces of nature through sight, smell, and sound, as some cannot.

I am truly thankful for the ability to appreciate the beauty of the storm, and the beauty of my journey.

Mother's Day 2009

Mother's Day started out earlier today than I'm used to. I like to sleep in on Mother's Day, but I ended up with my brother Dale as a last-minute overnight guest. Which meant I had to get up when they did, because Tyler and Dale have a long history of getting into trouble together. It was nice for the boys to see each other, though, and my Dad picked Dale up by 10:00 am, so it was back to peace and quiet in no time. Matt was working today, of course. Can't imagine a country club being slow on Mother's Day. So that left Tyler and I alone for the day.

We just hung out at home. Since I didn't get to sleep in, I was determined to stay in my pjs as long as possible, and I accomplished my goal! When Matt got off work, he called to ask what I wanted for dinner. I asked if he was going to pick something up on the way home, or if he was willing to cook for me. He said he would cook, so I was thrilled! I told him that all I really wanted was steak, potatoes, and a dark green salad.

So while the other mothers went out to eat, waiting for a table, dealing with the masses, I got to have my steak dinner in the comfort and quiet of my own home, IN MY PAJAMAS haha. I got ribeye steak, roasted potatoes, a romaine salad with shredded mozzarella cheese and italian dressing. YUM. And, for dessert, a surprise: vanilla ice cream on shortcake with a home made strawberry sauce!





















It was SO GOOD. Then, when I dropped Tyler off at his Dad's, he had a gift for me (in addition to the marigolds from Friday). He gave me this sheet he had written at school for a contest sponsored by Dierbergs. I read it, and of course, cried. (Click to enlarge).


































So, today, I am thankful for my son and Matt, for making this day so special for me. It was everything I wanted and then some. I am so proud of the people they are. Tyler for being so sweet, bright, funny, and genuinely thoughtful. And Matt for being such a good guy, always keeping me laughing, and for having the courage and ability to follow through on his life long dream of becoming a chef. He is doing incredibly well in school and will be a wonderful chef very soon!

xoxox
~Erica

Must be baseball season...

The weather was amazing today. I wish I was well enough to really get out and enjoy it. The closest I come these days is opening the windows and getting fresh air in the house. I do try to go out every now and then with the dogs, but they tend to pull at the leash, and I can't handle that just yet.

Tyler had a baseball game tonight. He actually played against the kids he played with last year (it's a long story, but hopefully it will have a happy ending next season). I wish I could tolerate sitting at an entire game, but about 20 minutes in on the metal bleachers, my back is screaming at me. I went tonight because my cousin Leslie was playing on the field behind Tyler's right before his game, so my Aunt, Grandma, and even Dad and brother Dale were all there. I didn't last as long as I wish I could have, but I didn't feel as bad because my Grandma and her bad hip didn't last long, either.

Something about youth baseball that brings out the crazies, though. I think I have it figured out every now and then, but essentially I think it's parents who have nowhere else to take out their aggressions. Can't take it out at work, they'll lose their job. Can't take it out on the kids, someone would call CPS. So they scream at each other, coaches, and the umps at the games. Sucks for the kids, really. I saw it when my brother played ball growing up, and I see it now with Tyler and the kids his age.

Today, I am thankful that Tyler does not seem to be affected or weighed down by the screaming and negativity of other people, and genuinely just has fun while he plays. I am thankful that, no matter what happens on the field or at the plate, he comes out of the dugout smiling every time. I'm very proud of him for having the clarity to know what really matters.

Hope everyone has a Happy Mother's Day tomorrow. I plan on sleeping in, staying in my pjs as long as I can, and hopefully, Matt will cook me a wonderful dinner tomorrow night!!

xoxox
~Erica

The start of something new!

Hi everyone reading!

Now that I have more free time (thanks, unexpected back injury!!), I thought I should start blogging again.

I used to blog pretty frequently on LJ, but once I started working full time, I decided to take a breather. That, and I had managed to attract some pretty unsavory people that I needed to try to lose, so to speak.

A couple of makeup gurus that I follow on Youtube have Blogger accounts, so I thought this must be a pretty good place to start out.

I am going to try to update every day, something, at least. I don't know that I'll always be able to do that, but I really feel like I need to spend some time writing. And I'd like to end every day with commenting on something I am thankful for. I have been through a lot of negative experiences recently, so I am trying to be optimistic.

The "about me":
I'm 30
Live in St. Louis, MO (hence the blog name)
I have a son who is ten
I love makeup (way too much lately)


So on with the show, then!!

Sunday is Mother's Day. I don't have anything special planned yet. I told Matt that I wanted him to make me dinner. Steak and potatoes, please! And now that he knows how to make cheesecake like an actual pro, I am hoping for that, too.

Tyler stopped by late this afternoon with a potted plant. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen! It's little potted Marigolds like you buy outside the grocery store. I am going to have to make an honest effort to NOT kill them. I have a bad habit of killing plants.

Today, I am thankful for Pizza Hut. Lame, I know. But we ordered tonight and it was SO yummy. I should revise and say I am thankful for the financial ability to order and enjoy Pizza Hut tonight. That's what I am really thankful for.

Let me know what, if anything, you have planned for Mother's Day, and what you might be thankful for today!

xoxox
~Erica