A couple of things I was thinking today, while I was putting up the tree. First, while I was raised by a die-hard real tree fanatic, and they definitely do have their merits, I am a go-to faux tree girl. Can't beat the convenience, the ease, and the reusable factor. The last faux tree I had was one I purchased during my marriage, when I was pregnant with Tyler. It was gorgeous. It was huge, and full. And a monumental pain in the ASS to put up. It was one of those that had dozens of branches that had color coded hangers. Which happens to be the worst idea ever. I can tell you from experience that, after about ten years of use, the color rubs off the ends, and then it becomes a twisted matching game with the branches. You're standing in the living room, trying to decide if the branch you're holding matches the pile on the left, or the barely visibly smaller pile to the right, because none of them have colored paint on the ends anymore, and they all look reasonably the same size. It's a game where no one wins, trust me.
It also wasn't prelit, so after spending several hours playing the worst game ever, you then get to do the string the lights around the tree too big for one person to reach around game. And after spending six years with someone who hates Christmas and everything related, it was like pulling teeth to even get him to help me put the tree up. And once the tree was up, I usually had to go hunt him down in another part of the house and drag him back to the tree to help string the lights. He would have preferred I tore off a limb and beat him to death with it. Sadly, I never gave him the option.
Last year, I finally broke down and bought a new tree. Mostly because we moved into a townhouse and I wanted something smaller. And I definitely wanted something easier to assemble, and prelit. I searched and found a great deal at Lowes. It was a gorgeous 9 foot tree. We got the tree home, and even though Matt argued for hours about the height, I was determined. Let me be the first to admit, he was right. We started assembling it, and when you get two of the three pieces up and it's already almost touching the ceiling, it's not a good sign. He was giving me the side-eye the entire time, because he knew it wasn't going to fit. I could all but hear his "I told you so", but he was showing remarkable restraint. Needless to say, it didn't fit. Not even close. I think we were off by at least a foot. Maybe a foot and a half? He was less than thrilled to have to take it back down, shove it back into the box, and take it back. You would've thought that being right, for once, would have outweighed it. But even that didn't make the Grinch's heart grow at all.
We ended up with an equally beautiful 7 1/2 foot tree. It's one of the slimmer ones, and it's prelit. It comes in three pieces, and it took me and Tyler less than 10 minutes to get it up and turned on this year. Luckily, Tyler is big enough to carry it and lift the pieces, because I couldn't. But then I spent about an hour fussing with the branches, making sure to cover all the bare spots. Ornaments took about another half hour, which is made easier by the fact I have a color theme! I will definitely post pictures tomorrow. The living room is kind of a mess right now, since we're not finished decorating. It kind of looks like a Michaels or a Garden Ridge threw up in here right now lol.
But, while I was fussing with the branches and decorating the tree, I was thinking a lot about last Christmas. Last year was a generally horrible year, starting right after the first of the year. I don't want to go into a lot of detail, but it started with a move, progressed into a life-changing back injury, and disintegrated into a long term relationship completely imploding. It was, by far, one of the worst years of my life. But, surprisingly, things seemed to be turning a corner by November. I had FINALLY gotten a check from my insurance company for my back injury, so we had some money to pay bills and spend a little on ourselves. It felt like we could BREATHE again, after holding it painfully, for months on end. My birthday was in November, and I had a great one. Matt and I had even stopped arguing, and were getting along better than we had in almost a year. I started thinking that maybe things were going to get better, finally.
We talked about doing something charitable with some of the money, and I found a family on Craigslist that was asking for help. It really hit home for us because it was a man, his wife, and one son. It was almost like a mirror of our family. And since Matt had lost his job the year before, in October, our previous Christmas had been very difficult. If it wasn't for the help of our family, we wouldn't have even had a Christmas that year. So to have come full circle only a year later and have enough to consider sharing, we felt pretty good about choosing this particular family.
And honestly, it was so much fun shopping for them! They were concerned mostly about their son, but we wanted to get gifts for the parents, too. I am a firm believer that everyone should have something to open for Christmas. And we made sure they had food to make a great Christmas dinner, and breakfast. Those were traditions for us, so we wanted to share them with the family, too. I wasn't there when they got the haul, but Matt said they were completely overwhelmed. I had never seen Matt like that before, when he was telling me about it. I could tell it meant a lot to him, too.
We also shopped for all the members of the family, plus Tyler, our families, and each other. It really was a great feeling. While we didn't have unlimited income, this was the first year I could say I wasn't pinching pennies. I still shopped like I always did, watching sales, checking for deals, and so on, but I wasn't counting down like I normally did. I got so excited when I decided what to get Matt. I found this amazing food processor, and it was on sale, WITH a mail in rebate, so I felt like I hit the lottery! And I knew he would love it, too. And he would be totally surprised! It was killing him, trying to figure out what it was! I had to have him drive me to the store, and I was so afraid he would peek while I was putting it in the trunk, or later. But he really was surprised, which was awesome. And we got literally everything on Tyler's list, which we haven't ever been able to do. It really was a great Christmas.
Last year's haul:
It's really hard for me to think about how far things fell, and in such a short period of time. Literally weeks later, things went to complete shit with Matt. I still don't know exactly what happened, or why, but I have a few ideas now. It's one of those "hindsight is 20/20" scenarios. But needless to say, things going so incredibly well and then changing so completely so quick left me reeling. I think most people would understand, if they walked in my shoes.
But I decided today that, instead of focusing on the awful things that came after the first of the year, I would just remember how great the Christmas was. I think it was great to have a wonderful Christmas as our last Christmas together. It really reminds me what Christmas is really about. It's about love, it's about generosity, it's about seeing surprise and happiness in other people's faces, it's about showing people how special they are to you, even when you can't find the means to show it otherwise. And, it's about overcoming terrible situations and circumstances to just enjoy the peace and comfort of the season, of family, and each other.
This definitely won't be a stress free, money is no object Christmas for us this year. Of course, I don't know what his situation or circumstances are anymore. But, I can conclusively say that this will be a Christmas of peace and comfort for us. Instead of several months of torment and discontent leading up to a couple of months of happy holidays, we have had several months of peace, quiet, and mending broken hearts. But we have survived, and it's brought Tyler and I closer together. We are grateful for each other.
While our family has changed this year, I will try to keep as many of the traditions as I can for Tyler's sake. And mine, if I'm being honest. I enjoy making the Christmas dinner, decorating the tree, and of course, the shopping and presents. I really hope something miraculous happens in the next few weeks so we can have the Christmas Tyler deserves. But I know even if it doesn't, we'll still have a good Christmas. Because this year, even though everything around us has changed, we still have each other. And that's the best gift of all.
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