Bake much?!

Hello world. I am going to be writing this in between batches of cookies in the oven. I made two complete batches of cookies last night (grand total, about 90 cookies). We have completed a third batch today (which only garnered about 14- it was ginger cookies with icing), a fourth batch is in the oven now (peanut butter, will make two dozen), and a fifth is chilling, waiting for oven time. Those are snickerdoodles, my dad's favorite. Tomorrow, we have to do a streussel cake for my dad and apple cinnamon muffins for my grandma. And, if I have any strength left at all, I would like to do another batch of ginger cookies, since the first one only gave us 14, and I've already given away four and we've eaten three lol. But we got to use our super cool cookie cutters we got at Bed, Bath and Beyond when we were looking for biscuit cutters.

Today was a day of highs and lows. Tyler had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. It was a major high only because I have been fighting his dad ever since I lost my insurance to either give me HIS insurance information, or at least the pediatrician's name and contact info so I can have Tyler seen if/when I need to. He has steadfastly refused, even though there is a court order that he do so. And to make matters worse, he doesn't take care of the things that need to be taken care of. Things like having inhalers for his asthma, allergy medicine for his allergies, steroid cream for his eczema/contact dermatitis. I have to threaten him with CPS intervention before he calls the doctor, and it's ridiculous. So I finally got Tyler some coverage myself and we were able to get in to the new doctor today.

The great news is the doctor and his staff are super nice, they are very efficient. They did an eye test, hearing test, urine screening, blood pressure, and they're having him do blood work next week. Very thorough. And since Tyler failed his hearing test in his right ear (something he's been doing for the last couple of years, that once again, his father has NOT followed up on), they gave me the number of two audiology centers to get followed up with. And he gave us the prescriptions we needed, without any hassle, and asked us to come back in six weeks to follow up, which was great. Tyler really likes him, so that's a major plus, too. A kid his age, going through what he's going through, needs to have a doctor he feels comfortable with and trusts. He really likes this doctor.

How much? He even said he wants to go back, despite the fact that the doc said "hey, as long as you're here, why don't we get your next set of immunizations taken care of?" That, folks, meant FOUR shots. When he told Tyler that, Tyler just shrugged and said "ok". And then the doctor said "want to do a fifth shot? We can give you the flu shot, too" and Tyler laughed and said "sure". I was like :O. Even more so since Tyler has told me a hundred times the story of his step brother having to get this set of shots right before school started, and he FREAKED out. The step brother screamed, kicked, bucked, was swinging at people, trying to bite them, cursing, etc. etc. to try to avoid getting the shots. Instead of getting the four he needed, he ended up only getting two, and now has to go back for the other two next semester. So I knew Tyler would be anxious about it. And he was. He was on pins and needles waiting for them to come in and give them to him. It was kind of cute, though. He was chattering on about nothing because he was nervous. I finally told him that he could have a McFlurry tonight since he was being so brave.

And he was brave. In fact, I reassured him that it wouldn't hurt as bad as he was expecting, and it didn't. He laughed when she finally started because he said it hardly hurt at all, and he couldn't believe his step brother made such a big deal about it. We talked about it the whole way home. He was so proud of himself, and he should have been. I was proud of him, too!

He was so proud, that he sent his dad a text message, telling him what he had done, and asking if he had received the message from Sunday when he wished him a happy birthday. His dad called him about an hour later, and started grilling him. Asking him what doctor he saw and why, and giving him grief for not calling him on his birthday or seeing him (even though his dad didn't even come to try to pick him up). Then, his dad started barking at him, telling him that he was coming over here tomorrow to pick him up, at which point Tyler told me he wanted to hang up on him. I told him not to do that, so instead, he just sat there, holding the phone, not saying anything. I could hear his dad hollering at him, telling him that "despite what other people have told you, you don't have a choice in this" and "you're not going to live with her full time, I won't let that happen". Tyler was almost in tears. I kept asking him if he was ok, and he just kept shaking his head "no" at me. I'm not sure what his dad said to him next, but he decided to hang up on Tyler.

I just don't get it. I don't get what is going through his mind that makes him think this is the way to get something accomplished. I sent him a text message after the fact, because Tyler was very upset. And I said to him "I don't know why you did that. You had the opportunity to talk to him on the phone and be loving and kind, and instead you chose to bark at and harass him." And of course, Tyler has told me that he definitely doesn't want to see his dad tomorrow, or any other day. I don't know what to say or do anymore. It took everything in me to not cry, myself. It kills me to think his dad is so selfish and stupid that he would act and treat Tyler like this. And of course, to have to see Tyler on the verge of tears, and that pain turn into anger right in front of me. All I really want is for them to have the best relationship they can have. I know his dad thinks I have some other hidden agenda, but that really is all I care about. I chose to have a child with this man, I can't take that back or pretend it didn't happen. I can't expect that he's just going to go away, and that wouldn't be best for Tyler.

But I also can't accept a miserable and piss poor relationship between them, and that's how it's been for years now. Their relationship has continued to degrade for several years, and I can only sit by and watch it, biting my tongue, for so long. And frankly, I've had enough. And Tyler has, too.

Tyler used to talk about how things used to be with his dad. He still remembers when his dad was happier and enjoyed spending time with Tyler, and doing things together. He said his dad "used to be fun", and he mostly was. Even when we were married, he was still a relatively happy person. Especially with Tyler. But that's changed in the last few years. Of course, I have my theories, but at the end of the day, he is just miserable in his life and with his choices. He is overwhelmed and over burdened with his responsibilities and he takes a lot of that frustration out on the kids. Which is where Tyler has the biggest problem. Tyler complains a lot about the fact that, even when his dad takes him and the other kids to go do things in the name of "quality time", no one is enjoying themselves. Not the kids, and definitely not his dad (and God forbid his step mother comes, because then everyone is GOING to be miserable. She'll make sure of it). And an even bigger problem lately is that when he's at his father's house for visitation or custody, his dad typically is at work. And Tyler has a horrible relationship with his step mother and step brother. I can't count the number of times he has complained about not getting to see his dad while he's there because his dad is working.

And then after his step mother struck him this past June, his dad promised us both that Tyler wouldn't be left alone with her anymore, and only kept that promise for about a week.

At the end of the day, none of this is about his dad seeing and/or missing Tyler. It's about punishing me, or keeping his ass out of the heat. Because if Tyler lives here full time, I will ask for (and receive) child support, and his dad simply cannot afford to pay MORE child support. To my knowledge, he is still under a child support order for his first three children. He would have to work an actual full time job in order to just keep up lol. And if he cared, at all, about seeing Tyler, he would take the time to get to the bottom of what's causing problems with his relationship with his son, instead of berating and barking at him every time he gets a chance to talk to him. All he ever tells Tyler is that he doesn't have a choice, when clearly he DOES. Tyler has already told me that if/when his dad comes tomorrow, he hopes he brings and officer so he can tell them, again, that he doesn't want to go, like he did last time.

I hate that this is happening. I hate even more that it's Christmas week. I think I blogged about this a couple of days ago, but I had FINALLY gotten Tyler to agree to see his dad on Christmas, for a few hours on Christmas day. And then his dad went and told his step brother to tell Tyler that if he didn't come over to visit before Christmas, don't bother coming ON Christmas, because he won't get any gifts from them.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He actually said that, too. That's something he would say. I should be surprised, but I'm not. And Tyler is furious. He said he didn't care, he wasn't going either way. And so the time and work I had put into getting him to agree to go over there for a few hours on Christmas was for nothing, because the kid is more determined than ever to not be there.

And, it seems like every time so time goes by and maybe Tyler is in a place where he might consider talking to and/or spending time with his dad, something happens like today. Or the Christmas thing. It's like his dad can't help it. He HAS to sabotage it. And I've told him a hundred times not to act like that, but he honestly thinks he's right. Even tonight, after I had text messaged him, he could have called back and apologized, or tried to smooth things over. But nope. He's way too hardheaded to do something like that. So here we sit.

Last batch of cookies is in the oven, and Tyler and I are chatting about making more on Christmas Eve while it's snowing outside. Almost all of these are to give away. He's really looking forward to Christmas, which I'm glad about. But it really breaks my heart that it's turned out this way. I know this is going to be a hard Christmas to look back on, in terms of what we've lost (well, WHO). But, I also think that the things that have happened in the last six months, and then in the last six weeks, have brought Tyler and I closer together than we were before, and I didn't really think that was possible. He even thanked me today for taking him to the doctor, where he got five shots LOL. And he's been thanking me all day and night for letting him help me make cookies. I don't think he understands how much it means to ME. I love spending time with him, and making cookies and hanging out like we have been the last few weeks has been awesome.

I know I'm partial, but I really think he is a great person. He is funny, sweet, kind, and considerate. He's always in a good mood, doesn't take much seriously, and nothing bothers him for long. I feel like his dad is missing out on so much by treating him the way he is, and has for years now. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't appreciate him that much more because of it. Tyler could just as easily tell me he'd rather live with his dad for awhile, now that he's growing up and going through all these changes. I've been anticipating that since he was little, and I tried to tell his dad that, too. But he sees him as a pawn. A game to play that someone "wins" and someone "loses". But he's not a pawn and it's not a game. In the end, Tyler loses, but if his dad keeps this up, he's going to lose the most. Because he's pushing away an amazing person, not just his middle son. But it's his loss, and his choice.