We wish you a Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! We haven't been home long, it's been a long day and night! But coming in, taking the dogs out, getting coats off, and unpacking from the trip with the family takes longer than you anticipate. I am SO TIRED, I really just want to go to bed, but I had made my mind up that I would try to post at least once, either last night or tonight, so I'm going to write this up and then head to bed!

It really has been an amazing Christmas. I will admit, now, that I was a little worried about being able to give Tyler the Christmas I believe he deserves. If you've been reading my blog, you know he has had a very rough few weeks and months. He has been subjected to a lot of changes in his life, and unfortunately, has suffered because of some very selfish and thoughtless men. I do the best I can to counteract their actions, but I am only one person. And I cannot "right" the wrongs of others.

But Tyler definitely made out like a bandit, and I am so glad. He literally got everything he wanted and asked for, and then some. I will have to upload and post pics tomorrow. As a mom, it's a great feeling to be able to get all the things that are important to him. And just to be able to tell him, as well as show him, how much I appreciate him and how grateful I am to have him in my life. That's been one of the hardest things about all of this- knowing he feels lost or unappreciated by these hateful, horrible men who hurt him and turned their backs on him. I try to tell him every day that not only do I love him, but I appreciate him and am so happy to have him in my life. It might not mean as much coming from me, since I'm his mom, but I can't stomach thinking that he walks around every day, knowing there are at least two men who, at one time, told him they loved him and would always be there for him, and then turned their backs on him for selfish reasons and greed.

But he has told me several times in the last couple of days how happy he is to be here with me, and how glad he is that things turned out the way they have. Which surprises me in one sense, and then not really in the other.

I know he valued having the ex in his life, and of course he loves his dad, but when someone isn't contributing anything positive to your life anymore, or when someone treats you with such blatant disregard of your feelings or how their choices and actions impact you, it's hard not to be angry and bitter toward them. And even though he has spent some time talking about the ex lately, I know he is still very angry about everything that happened and how it all went down. Thankfully, he hasn't spoken much about him this past week, so I think we got over that little bump in the road.

He did not see or speak to his father for Christmas this year, nor did his father reach out to him. It really breaks my heart because I know that, even though this is Tyler's choice, it's hurtful. And if Brian was doing things the right way and was the least bit concerned about Tyler and his feelings, things wouldn't be off in the ditch quite so badly. But I can't do anything about Brian and how he acts, thinks, or treats Tyler. I can only be here to support and love Tyler.

We got to see my dad and brother for Christmas, and spend time with the family tonight. It's so great to see everyone and, even better, it's so funny to hear everyone tell me (NOW) how much they didn't like the ex. I can't count how many people told me that they didn't really like him so much, that they thought he wasn't right for me, or that he made them "feel funny", but no one could really put their finger on why. That was a general consensus, that there was something "off" about him, but no one could place what or why. I wish I could have sat there and told them about all the skeevy, slimy, disgusting things he did behind my back and how badly he treated me and Tyler the last few months we lived together, but I just laughed and said "if you only knew...". But honestly, it was great to have a laugh at his expense. That's something we definitely don't do enough lol.

But it makes me think about how great the last six months have been for Tyler and me. And how far we have come from where we have been the last few years. I thought, for some reason, I might really be bummed out this year because I am single for the first time in over a decade on the holidays, but I truly am enjoying myself and, like I said, this whole situation just makes me think about things and how happy we are now and how far we are from that entire situation. Spending this Christmas with Tyler and talking with my dad and other family about the ex just makes me realize how stupid I was for staying in a situation for so many years that I really didn't want to be in anymore, and with someone who clearly didn't care about anyone but himself.

I even told him to his face on more than one occasion how horrible it feels to be living with and sharing a bed with someone that you know thinks about themselves and their own happiness without ever thinking of yours, and how could he wonder why we weren't "working out" or why weren't we "happy" anymore? Truly successful relationships are those in which both partners TRY. They try for one another. They worry at least as much about the happiness and contentment of their partner as their own. Otherwise, it won't ever work. If either partner is only thinking of themselves and their own wants, needs, and desires, then the relationship is doomed for failure. And, as someone who spent much too much of her time trying for someone else, it's like drowning, except over a long period of time. It really becomes a form of torture. I should have left long before I did, but everything happens for a reason. And nothing will happen before it is meant to.

So, this Christmas, I might not have had an abundance of gifts under the tree addressed to me, but I have the greatest gift I've had in a very long time: freedom. I am free to live, free to love, free to reflect on that which I no longer have to endure. I am free to appreciate the things I do have in my life, and free to hope and wish for even better for my future.

I have so much to be thankful for, and so much to appreciate. I really have no time for anything else. I am looking forward to 2011. I am hopeful that the ex will FINALLY go away and leave me alone, for good. And maybe I will find someone to spend time with that is on the same page as I am, for once? LOL. I am hopeful for Tyler's relationship with his father to get better, and if not, that the court process will be relatively quick and painless. I am hopeful that all of my friends, family, and loved ones have a good and positive year, and that things can only continue to get better from here!

Onward and upward, as they say!