I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I always am when people treat others with absolute disregard and disrespect.
Case in point: my neighbor. He and his wife smoke. They don't, however, smoke inside their apartment. I see them every day smoking either out their back door, on their stoop, or out front while they're taking their dog out. In fact, we have a disgusting glass jar that sits on the front stoop, right by the door, where they deposit their butts before they go inside. And despite the fact that I've moved it half a dozen times to make it a little more inconspicuous, they keep putting it back, front and center. So I just gave up.
But their smoking has become my problem now. Why? Well the husband, who has a nice little workshop area set up downstairs, has taken to smoking down there while he's working inside. He normally works outside, but obviously the weather isn't permitting outdoor work now. He tinkers around with things, either fixing them and reselling them, or breaking them down for scrap. (Which is a rant for another day). But now that he's working inside all the time, he's smoking downstairs. The problem is, the smoke is coming directly up into my apartment. Both because the basement (and his little work area) is directly below my apartment, and because the furnace is adjacent to his work area, so the air it's sucking up is his smoke filled air. Also, his work area is literally RIGHT below Tyler's room, so his room has become ground zero for second hand cancer.
I wanted to confront him about it, but I thought maybe I would get too upset, so I just wrote him a very nice note, asking him to please not smoke down there any longer, and explained that Tyler has asthma, and the smoke is affecting him, because it is. I wouldn't allow anyone to smoke in my apartment, so how can I allow someone to smoke in a common area when it's coming into my apartment? I thought, since he has a daughter Tyler's age and clearly, he and his wife don't want smoke in their apartment, he wouldn't keep smoking when I've told him it's coming into my apartment. I'm sure he just didn't realize it until now.
I was wrong. All day today, smoke. All day and evening. I was so mad, I couldn't even think about going down there and confronting him. I have to live with these people, in close proximity. We are one of FOUR units in this building, so we see each other literally every day. So I have written another, still as pleasant as possible, note telling him that I am very upset and that I know, as a father, he would want to intervene if someone were doing something that were harming his daughter, so I'm sure he can understand why I have to speak up, yet again. I really hope he reconsiders this time, because if I do have to confront him again, it WILL be in person, and it WON'T be so pleasant.
The other thing I have realized, as I always do at this time of year, is how little people remember what Christmas is supposed to be about.
I know I've mentioned before that Matt and I decided to adopt a family for Christmas last year. We were very proud of that choice, and I can only speak for myself, but doing that made me feel better than just about anything I've ever done before. Knowing I was helping people who weren't bad people, but were just having a hard time, and that I wasn't asking for or expecting anything in return, that was a great feeling. Knowing I had been in their shoes before and knowing how much it would have meant to me for complete strangers to do what we did felt incredible. And knowing that two families (ours and theirs) were having a better Christmas because of a little effort and money was the best feeling of all.
As a parent, the worst feeling in the world is thinking that you're letting your kids down somehow. Thinking you can't come through for them or treat them in the way you think they need to be treated. Helping someone else not have to have that feeling, especially on Christmas, was a great feeling.
But it seems like the vast majority of people in this world lately are Scrooges. It's a "help yourself first and vilify anyone who isn't in the same position as you" mentality out there. Not only are people NOT willing to help someone less fortunate, but they've taken to actually actively interfering with people getting help. I've seen it. People aren't donating food to pantries, they're not helping by buying a couple extra gifts to give to Toys for Tots, they're saying "no" when the cashier asks if they want their bill rounded up a couple cents at the grocery store, or if they'd like to donate a dollar toy to military families. They do it when they walk past the Salvation Army kettles, pretending like they don't see them. And they do it on places like Craigslist, where they're flagging posts begging for help off the site, and in some cases, they're posting, berating the people asking for help without even knowing their circumstances. I just cannot imagine how someone can be sitting in their home, reading Craigslist, seeing a parent asking for help with Christmas, and thinking to themselves "you know what? Fuck these people! I'm going to flag this post and make my own post mocking and degrading them! They don't deserve help! They need to be taught a lesson!" What is wrong with people?!
I don't know. I just think that some people really need more to do with their lives, and real problems. Because to think that they are in a position to judge who needs help and who doesn't is insanity. None of us are in a position to judge. And if someone comes along and reads a Craigslist post from someone asking for help with Christmas gifts, let them be the ones to decide who gets their help. That's how I found the family we adopted last year. They had made a post on Craigslist. I contacted them off that post, and we made the choice that they absolutely deserved the help. Were they the worst off people on Craigslist? Probably not. Were they 100% honest about their circumstances? We don't know. We acted solely on trust and Christmas spirit. Even if they weren't being honest and didn't need the help as much as they claimed to, it didn't really matter to us. It was about sharing the wealth, and spreading Christmas spirit. Their son benefited, and maybe they understood that there are people in this world that just want to do something nice for someone, every now and then. That's all we wanted to accomplish. Why anyone would actively try to prevent an act like that, I'll never understand.
But, the good news is: there are people around who are working TWICE as hard to keep doing nice things for people, and keep spreading the Christmas spirit. They are determined to overcome the Scrooges and Grinches of the world, and the handful of people they are able to reach are so grateful for their help. And many of them will, someday, somehow, spread their own Christmas spirit. That's what makes it so great.
So, as Christmas approaches, I try to reach out to the people who are still trying, and say "thanks". Even though I don't have very much money, I still put a dollar in the kettle when I walk past. I have a dollar. A lot of people don't right now. I say "of course" when the cashier at the grocery store asks if I'd like to round up my total a few cents. And I say "absolutely" when the cashier at the Dollar Tree asks if I'd like to buy a toy to help a needy child. Because no child should go without because of the Scrooges and Grinches in the world, or because their parents are trying, but not making ends meet. Or even because their parents aren't trying. All children should be warm, well fed, loved, and cared for. But they're not. As a community, and as humanity, we should do little things every day to keep trying, because that's what it means to BE a community. To BE human. To do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Not because you're asking for or expecting anything in return. Not because the person you're helping is the worst off or completely honest about their circumstances. Because you can, and because that's what Christmas spirit is.
Because unwavering care and concern for our fellow man is the greatest gift we can give to one another, at this time of year, and any other. You never know when the person you help really IS the worst off, or the most honest. Sometimes, you just have to take a chance, and give someone else one.
ps: here's a picture to make you feel warm and fuzzy:
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